reimagining

Mikael de Lara Co

I serve the random blooms that come

mid-June and their rise towards sunlight.

I serve mid-June. I serve sunlight.

Sand, leaf, stone. THese are the things

that I serve. Lizard with his immortal tail,

and with her destiny of sweetness.

Wind and shadow, fire and fog. The world

does not lack for masters, and if only

my heart could carry the weight

of clouds, I would kneel before water

and all its incarnations. I would wander,

never closing my eyes as I sing

to the infinite gradations of darkness.

I serve darkness. I serve moonlight.

I serve sunlight, and the blooms that rise

towards sunlight, and the world

that offers me these blooms

as I try to find a more beautiful word

for beauty. And fail.

Soul Mate

Arkaye Kierulf

In your better moods you believed in it,

Although your friends have given up on love,

Embittered as they are by high expectations

That are yet to be fulfilled or pared down.

Sometimes you’ve given up on it too,

Sure that Fate is working against you

And has begun to gather her forces

To sag the skin on your face by the hour,

Ruffling your hair, dulling your personality

That back in your college days

Attracted quite a few brunettes.

But deep inside you you’ve always believed

That someone out there must be waiting.

Even as you were kissing Bernadette, the waitress

At the coffee shop you frequented on Mondays,

Even as you lifted up Rebecca’s skirt

At the backseat of your car on Valentines,

Enjoying yourself on the milk of her skin,

You’ve always suspected that something was missing,

That somehow true happiness lay elsewhere.

How many times have you looked into

A woman’s eyes and seen nothing there?

At least not the kind of compassion or kindness

You were looking for in a girl you always thought

Would satisfy your every craving and your every virtue.

How soothing to think then that somewhere

There is someone saving herself for you,

The curls on her head ravishing, her lips

Red as apples you had always wished to bite on

Except that they were too far up in the tree.

How soothing to think that even now, as she

Brushes her hair and fixes herself up in the mirror,

She is endlessly preparing herself with great care

For the one man of her dreams who is you.

The dress she later picks up at the Beauty Shop

And the book she now reads by the light

Of the afternoon, are bound to please your senses

And disarm your intellect on that fated day

Of your meeting, and on the days after.

Not absurd to think that she might even be

Your neighbor, the one you always had a crush on.

Maybe you’ve even already met her, except that

At the occasion of your acquaintance

The conditions were not conducive for love.

Not absurd to think she probably lives on the other side

Of the world, in Paris perhaps, Lithuania, or Africa,

Somewhere exotic like the landscape of your dreams.

No matter that she’s far away or speaks a different language.

You will have an understanding deeper than words.

And even now, as the earth rotates and the continents shift,

A route to finally join the two of you carves itself out.

Where there are no roads or trains to bring you two closer,

Metal Works and Co. is at it day and night, forging a course.

Where rivers and seas cannot be crossed through, a boat

Or ship is built with your name. And where there are

Separate islands that cannot be bridged, there will be a bridge.

And even now as you strain to utter a sigh,

Sure that your heart, bruised and beaten several times over,

Will never love again, even now as you struggle

To keep in the tears, fending off the sadness

That has forever been knocking at your door,

Even now the cells in your heart are mending,

Stitching themselves up for that very special day

When under the stars you will finally meet her.

You’re 29 years old today, and you don’t feel a day over 21. 21 the way it’s meant to be experienced.  

You spent a lot of time in your early twenties stuck in a rut, secretly envying your friends, pining for a stupid girl, neglecting your body, and ruining your mind with really bad ideas and really good herbs. When you’re young, you want to feel cool. You want to be adored. So you act smarter than you actually are, and waste what little intelligence you have on foolish things like obscure music and indie graphic novels. You have absolutely no control over your desires, so when you don’t get what you want, you punish yourself by eating, or smoking, or drinking, or having sex with people you don’t really care about. You don’t take your job seriously, you don’t take your relationships seriously, you stop believing in grace, and you lose all your sense of self-worth.

Thank god you know yourself much better now. You know that old saying, “know thyself”? I just realized how important it really is to know yourself. Because who you are isn’t just some strange face that comes to you every time you look in a mirror. Your thoughts are not some drug haze coughed up by another dimension. They are in this bag of flesh, and they affect the fabric of reality in more ways than you can comprehend. You matter. You are a definite animal who likes videogames and hates cats. You’re lazy, but you’re working on that. You want to lose 70 pounds of fat so that you can finally stop hiding what a stud you really are. Because you used to be afraid of being desired. Because you didn’t want to be who you are. Because you hated the things that went around you and you couldn’t do anything about it so you thought it would be better to be someone else. But that never fixes anything. You learned that the hard way. You had to face all your demons. And you’re struggling to catch up to what other people have known. That you are someone who deserves to be loved.

So I am going to tell you this, Me. This is something I realized I should have told you a long time ago. I love you. And I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I care enough about you, and show you that I don’t want you to fade away. Chin up kiddo. It isn’t over yet. Whatever happens, stop eating those damn chocolates.